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morning time is now whenever.... so much different then before when it was 5am !

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time to start this back up as again :-)

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yeah life sucks
So I really like the song Almost Lover by a Fine Frenzy...today as been a, different sort of day. O well.


Why do we fall so hard for someone so fast and easy? Why do we even desire the company of someone else ? We could accomplish so much more if we only had ourself to worry about and that's it. We would be able to go where we would like as well as be able to do what we like without feeling like we left someone out of it and then feel bad. Why do we go half mad or crazy when someone does not answer the phone in a few hours or call back as soon as they normally do? I am sitting at my computer waiting for my phone to make some type of noise. Text beep or phone ring. That song I set just for your, so I wouldn't even have to look at the phone to know who was calling. It was a song I could hear with such joy. Now I am going insane by the absence of it. You have called me or text me every night for over a month to say if nothing else but good night. Now I have not heard from you all day and I am sad, truly I am. I am wondering if something happened to you and tell myself I know better. I wonder if your cell died but I call it and it rings four times then goes to voicemail, so I know that can not be the case this time. I keep saying maybe you had to work late or maybe you were so tired from your last few days you just went home and feel asleep. Yet the not knowing is what brings insanity knocking on my door. Makes me wonder why I have attempted this again. Why I can not just let love die and finally stop putting myself through nights like this. I think of the pros of how I could go anywhere anytime and not have to worry about breaking another heart. I don't want to leave another piece of me with one that will only forget me over time. I want to grow old with you and wake up to the beauty that is in your eyes everyday from here till the end of the world. Yet I fear if I try this for any prolong time I will only hurt you and see tears shed in those deep blue eyes. This thought is more then I ever want to bear but what can I do? I have no reason to truly think this one will be different. Can I change for you? Can you put up with me till I become better or see the light? Why do I get involved in relationships time and time again, why do I let myself dragged in so fast?

apartment hunting

Is never fun nor something that seems easy to do...why is that I make just enough to live now but not enough to live anywhere else after April?



I'm not sure if I'll be moving back to Warsaw or staying in Indy...In order to stay in Indy I need a better paying job. I would like to stay in Indy but I would also like to not be broke again for another year. :|



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September 2011


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